The Aftermath

I did it. I held on to the little critters till the very end and delivered them at full term (38 weeks) Like many child birth stories, mine too happened in the dead of the night and involved panic and a lot of last minute drama. Once the deed was done, I felt cheated. There were no feel good hormones coursing through my system and making me fall in love with my boys. For some mothers, the connection is instant and for others like myself, it takes time to develop. The days after my caesarean, I felt as if I had been hit by a truck and was afraid to look at my belly. I was never interested in a natural birth but now having been through a caesarean, my advice to like minded people would be to give natural birth a serious consideration.

The aftermath of a delivery is messy. You bleed. You leak. You are sleep deprived. Newborns don't take pity on you. They don't care that you have slept only an hour and are going mad with tiredness. All the time and effort you put in taking care of them goes unnoticed by them. They sleep for 18 hours or more. When they are awake, they cry. Unless you happen to look like Blake Lively and your spouse resembles Ryan Gosling, there is a pretty good chance that your newborn will look like a red, scrunched up monkey. But hang in there for your efforts will be rewarded soon.  Unless you have twins or more. It is a long road to find your new normal, I've been told by fellow parents of multiples. 

The boys are 10 months old. Crawling, standing, curious about everything, love anything sweet or salty and worship the ground their dad walks on. Now that they are in my life, they are my sun, my moon, my everything. But make no mistake about it. It is hard work. J and I have no time for anyone let alone each other. I can't remember the last time I watched a movie. It took me days of careful planning to finally get a facial when the boys were 8 months old. Outings are usually just a quick trip to the supermarket. There are days when I go mad. Days when I berate myself for being a foolish enough to wish for twins. Days when I dream of escaping my life. It has taken me a long time to accept that THIS is normal. There are women who effortlessly adapt to their new roles. That is normal. There are women who are overwhelmed by the constant demands and sea of responsibilities. That is normal too. 

The joys of pregnancy...not

Don't let anyone fool you- pregnancy is no cakewalk, especially if you are expecting multiples. While I was lucky enough to escape the nausea of the first trimester, the second trimester was brutal and by the third, I was begging the babies to make an early appearance. I have groin pain, constant heaviness in the lower abdomen area, a stomach that looks as if it has been punched and pushed with purple bruise marks all over and I have had problems sleeping for the last 4 months. It is shocking how uncomfortable and abnormal it feels to be pregnant. You are no longer in control of your body. The belly grows, the feet swell, rib cage expands and you can't do anything but seethe angrily when people comment on your changing body.  The only perk of pregnancy is that you can get away doing as little as possible. It has been months since I've carried anything or done any household chore. Oh and the other perk is that you have healthy, lustrous hair. My hair has never looked ths good. There are also moments of pure joy. Like the time you see a kidney bean which is flickering on the screen or a baby in all its glory in a 3D ultrasound or the first time you realise that the funny sensation in your belly is the baby( in my case babies) kicking. 

It also has to be said that I'm one of the lucky twin moms. My twins have measured right on track, except for the last 4 weeks. My BP has been perfect and there has been no sign of gestational diabetes. More importantly, I haven't been put on bed rest. Hats off to all moms who are are put on bed rest and still manage to remain sane. And while we are at it, double the hats off to moms of triplets and high order multiples. I just don't know how you did it. 

P.S This was meant to be posted in September 2016. 

We are expecting!

I've never been sappy about kids and for the longest time, I wasn't sure if I even wanted a child. But something changed along the way and I'm now pregnant with not one but two little beans! Fingers crossed, by the time October rolls in, J and I will be parents to two healthy babes.

We are excited. I'm so ready to pop them out right now despite my anxiety over being a good mom and managing two babies at the same time. One doctor gleefully told me- your situation resembles that of a woman pregnant with a single child in the third trimester. This was when I was just 5 months pregnant. So, for all practical purposes, I've been in the third trimester for the majority of my pregnancy! And as any woman who's ever had a child will testify, third trimester is a stinking hellhole.

J and I continue to squabble over names. If we agree on a name, we squabble over the spelling. And the way we end our squabbles is by resorting to name calling. Just one of the many things we will have to change once the babies are here! 

India's Daughter

I watched India’s Daughter yesterday. The documentary has received a lot of flak in India and has been banned in the country. Given its prominence on Indian media sites and the subject being something I feel very strongly about, I have read many articles which debate the merits of the documentary and the intentions of the ‘white woman’ who directed it.

On the whole, I found the documentary well-made and fairly balanced. Jyoti’s parents are a remarkable couple. The views espoused by the defence lawyers and the accused are nothing new. We've heard familiar tales of victim shaming and blaming among politicians and spiritual gurus to name a few.

I don’t think this documentary means to paint the entire story of gender abuse and the status of women in the country in just one stroke. Rather, I hope it serves as another reminder that fundamental changes are needed in the country at each and every level. Jyoti’s rape was a horrific one. The brutality of the crime and that it happened in the capital galvanized ordinary citizens to action. The scale of public outcry was unprecedented. But, Jyoti’s rape was also yet another facet of the abuse that Indian women face every day.

In many families, birth of a girl child is a quiet affair as compared to the boisterous, joyous celebration when a boy is born. Girls as young as 3 months old are raped, as are 90 year old women. Young women are beaten up and paraded naked in villages for consenting to a relationship with a man of another community or religion. Married women are set on fire when their families fail to meet dowry demands. Married women are required to seek their husband’s permission to go out in public. Girls are doused in acid when they reject unwanted advances.

There are a whole host of factors that come into play regarding treatment of women in India- caste, religion, economic status, the urban-rural divide.This documentary focuses on just one case. I hope it inspires more voices to speak up on the different natures of crimes that are committed against women. I hope it inspires more public debate on what we need to do. Can we depend on the current education system to teach boys that women are not their property? Are police officers and hospital staff equipped to deal with the trauma and mental anguish that victims of sexual abuse undergo? Do we need changes in our judicial system? Do we need gender sensitization workshops for the huge mass of people that migrate from rural to urban areas? 

A trip at long last (Langkawi)

J and I finally got our act together to plan a short trip to Langkawi. End July marked the end of Ramadan and we had two days off for Hari Raya (or Eid al-Fitr) 

Langkawi is a beautiful island in the Andaman Sea. It is very close to mainland Malaysia and is easy to get to. We caught an Air Asia flight from Kuala Lumpur and were in Langkawi in under an hour! This was my first flight on Air Asia. It is a budget airline so I wasn't expecting anything fancy. The seats were cramped and I don't think a journey which lasts for more than an hour would be comfortable.  A word to the uninitiated- Air Asia charges for everything. If you don't do online check in and go to the counter to get your boarding pass, they'll charge you. If you change your seats, they will charge you. And you will need to change your seats if you want to sit with your companions. The sly people at Air Asia have ensured that their online booking system assigns non-successive seats. 

Coming from Delhi, I found the beaches beautiful. The water was quite clear, the forests were beautiful and everything was green and so open. Such a change from Kuala Lumpur! We decided to not hire a car or a bike and took advantage of organised tours. You'll find tour agencies by the dime to the dozen. They cover a set of 3-4 attractions over duration of 3-4 hours and they will pick and drop you to your hotel. We took a boat tour of the mangrove forest- went to a cave, visited a fish farm where we saw sting rays and creepy looking eels, spotted hundreds of brightly coloured eagles and a family of monkeys. It was hot and humid; my hair was a complete mess and our fellow companions in the boat ride were quite amused by the state of my hair! We cruised down a lovely, winding river and had a simple lunch at a floating restaurant. The next day, we opted for the much talked about island hopping tour. Unlike the previous tour, this felt more commercialized. There were scores of other boats and many people on each of the islands. However, I really enjoyed the gorgeous views while going from island to another.Though there were many people, the islands themselves are mostly undeveloped. At most, there will be walkways or stairs and a small snack bar (In India, people would throw plastic bottles and wrappers and make a mess of things) The coast of Langkawi is studded with many small islands and we got to see craggy cliffs and densely forested islands. We were shown a range of islands in the distance which are a part of Thailand. I know that the two countries are neighbours but somehow it was incredible to actually see a part of another country. We also took the cable car ride to the topmost point of the island. The views were spectacular but we had to wait for an hour for our turn. Lesson learnt- avoid public holidays! 

We stayed in Pantai Tengah which is on the south-west part of the island. This part of the island is known for its many spas. Pantai Cenang is 20 minute walk, and it is here where you'll find lots of eating places serving local seafood, Italian, Mexican, Indian and even Iranian food! If you find yourself in Pantai Cenang, you have to go to the Little Mexican Restaurant, especially in the evenings. The food is delicious, portions are hearty and it has cheerful and energetic vibe. Highly recommended! 

Langkawi is also known for duty free shopping. Malaysians stock up on chocolates and alcohol while visiting Langkawi. You'll also find good quality kitchenware here. We bought some Hershey's and Ferrero Rocher chocolates. I was tempted to buy a bag of Lindt chocolates but J stopped me. Damn, I was in chocolate haven! 

On hearing that I went to Langkawi, my colleagues were not impressed. There are other places in Malaysia where the beaches are more beautiful and the water clearer. I can't even imagine how utterly gorgeous these places would be. Can't wait to visit Sabah and Tioman Island (I'll be armed with better sunscreens. I've got a wretched case of sunburn and the skin on my legs has started to peel. Ugh) 

Some pictures from our trip. These were taken from Galaxy S4/iPhone 5 so the quality is not top notch. 

Private beach of the hotel where we stayed at (the sand was so soft) 

Fish farm

Panoramic view from the cable car ride

And a selfie of J and me while we were on the mangrove forest tour (and for the record, my hair is relatively well behaved in this picture!) 

Half empty or half full...?

It was exactly a month back that I packed up my bags and moved to Kuala Lumpur. J (my husband) was offered a great opportunity with a Malaysian bank and after years of living in Gurgaon and working with the same company, life had become dull and predictable. We have taken a leap into the great unknown as countless others have done. We got rid of our furniture, packed away our belongings, settled financial matters, bid farewell to our relatives and friends and moved to Malaysia. 

I had a vague sense of what it would feel like to live in another country. But no matter how much you read and talk to people, nothing prepares you for the move. This country is familiar (how I would hate to live in a place where people didn't even vaguely resemble me; think Sweden and the like) and maddening (Malaysians need to be educated on the benefits of vegetarianism and unrefined, whole grains) 

While J has immersed himself in his work, I have decided to take a break from work. For a year or so, this is what I wanted. I was stuck in a dead end job that didn't interest me and longed for a different routine. And boy, have I got it! Yes, there are times when I miss not going to work everyday and that feeling of security that I'll have a paycheck at the end of the month.  Yes, I do get nervous at the prospect that everything that I have learnt and achieved in the last 8 odd years will go down the crap hole if I continue to be jobless. Yes, I miss the banal conversations with my colleagues and observing all the politics that gets played out between people at all levels. 

I'm reminded of a line from a movie that I watched many years ago (don't remember the name)

"Don't be afraid to die, be afraid of living an unlived life" 

For the first time in my life, the plan isn't all that clear. The future is vague, but the possibilities are many. To live in the present, isn't that what happiness is about? 

What a body!

Did you see Bhaag Milkha Bhaag? Did you? Did you? 

If you haven’t, you must see it. It is awesome. Yes, it could have been shorter and Sonam Kapoor’s role could have been eliminated. Let’s not get picky, ok? It is one of the best Bollywood movies to come out in a long long time.

Farhan Akhtar’s depiction of Milha Singh is award worthy. His physical transformation is incredible. I got jitters as he transformed from a lean runner to a muscular world class athelete whilst skipping to the rock version of the song Bhaag Milkha. What a body, I whispered to my equally transfixed husband. I love Farhan Akhar. He’s supremely talented and thanks to him, hotness quotient of turbaned Sikhs has gone up ten-folds (in my eyes)

The movie is inspiring. My husband and I've vowed to devote ourselves to improving our fitness. He’s been working out in the gym. I've been going for walks and short spurts of running.  This translates into 15 seconds of jogging before my lungs collapse.

P.S. Spell check suggest that I should replace Farhan by Farmhand. I thought you should know.